The Seven Secrets of Relaxed and Happy Parenting
1. Choose Your Partner Carefully The best way to ensure trouble free parenting is to be really, really careful when choosing your partner. Most people who find parenting relaxing already know this, and they are often married to a woman. If you are already pregnant, it may be too late and you will have to make do as best you can.
2. Never Underestimate the Value of a Good Education Start now to memorize useful information that will make parenting easier for you. Learn as much as you can about spiders, dinosaurs, snails, fairies, drum kits, dress-ups, finger-paint and stain removal.
3. Plan Ahead Of course, if you could really do this well, you would probably not have children. However, it is a fact that children do best in a consistent and predictable environment, with an even-tempered parent. Even slight changes can be unsettling. Where possible, avoid social outings, siblings, pets, supermarkets, carpet, play dough, stairs, renovating and, above all anything to do with camping. In fact, if there is anything significant you want to do in the next 20 years, make sure to get it done before starting a family.
4. Shop Wisely Most of your money from now on will be spent on things that are eaten, broken, lost, grown out of, fought over, scribbled on, despised, thrown up or thrown out of car windows at high speed. Most of all, remember that the wisest way to shop is alone.
5. Get Plenty of Rest When you have a new baby, try to have at least two half-hour naps during the day when your baby is asleep. After all, you won’t be sleeping at night. With practice, you will find that you can fall fast asleep during TV shows, movies, church services, visits from relatives and even consensual sex.
6. Have Fun and Enjoy Parenting Small daily disasters are half the fun of parenting. In time you, too, will be laughing about getting wee’d on, hosed down, tripped up, embarrassed, disillusioned, sworn at and having your eye poked out by the magic wand of a two year old that you are wrestling at full speed into a shopping centre toilet cubicle.
7. Seek Help When You Need It Some older parents have read too many books or forgotten what parenting a young child really feels like. If you need support, seek out someone with twins!